Crustless quiche

Banishing the pastry monster
Failure, success and timing by the glass

I have a friend and if you think that's strange, the fact that she is a sensible eater will probably blow your mind. My sensible eating friend has been singing the praises of crustless quiche all summer.

Bruce Feirstein declared in his book 'Real Men Don't Eat Quiche', that, real men don't eat quiche. The source of all known knowledge, and some unknown, Wikipedia, informs us that this 'is a bestselling tongue-in-cheek book satirising stereotypes of masculinity'. Thank goodness for that! I love quiche and although I have no issue with being outed as a quiche-eater I do have an  issue with one element of the original version and it's cousins flan and tart - the pastry.

My pastry making could best be described as 'tense'. Even shop bought pastry can grip me with horrors, so much so that I have a rule not to imbibe even a single glass of wine until I've mixed, rolled, lined and if necessary blind baked the demon dough (not very Floyd, sorry Keith). Once cooked, cooled and devoured my pastry nemesis strikes again, sending me off to scrabble in the medicine cabinet for my old friend Gaviscon.

Given my obvious incompatibility with pastry could crustless quiche be the way forward? Not being one to shirk my responsibilities to gastronomic research, and being a bit short of the sugar and gluten free, strawberry flavoured tablets of sodium and calcium I decided to investigate the pastry free world of the crustless quiche.

Ironic that I should have just used the phrase 'pastry free' as my first encounter with the crustless quiche was a little individual effort from a local supermarket. I wouldn't normally consider buying a quiche from the supermarket but I noticed this crustless example in the chiller cabinet and curiosity got the better of me. As soon as I opened the box I knew I'd made a big mistake. It sat there on the kitchen work top in its little foil tray all sunken and skinned over. The box told me to stick it in the oven, I don't remember the exact instructions but when it came out it didn't look anymore appetising than when it went in, just, warmer. Still research is research so I removed the foil and to my surprise discovered my crustless quiche was sat on a tough little disk of cooked lard and flour. Not just me that has problems with pastry then! Disgusting, not a great start.

Having dissed shop-bought crustless quiche after a random sample of one I have to confess that my first attempt at making my own was not a resounding success either. Mistake number one was to use a recipe for the filling of a crusted quiche that I hadn't used before. The recipe I used was a random one from the internet. The main attraction of this recipe was that I could use up some fishy bits from my freezer. Fish quiche, I now know, is an acquired taste that I still have to acquire. So with my motley selection of white and smoked fish, left over from a purchase for a fish pie, defrosted, poached and flaked I added my sea sourced protein to the egg and dairy mix. With the addition of a few snipped chives and a gentle stir my quiche filling was ready. Well it's not exactly the filling, being crustless it's really 'it'.

Being concerned about the possibility of 'it' sticking I studiously buttered my pie-dish and did the old rolling the breadcrumbs round and round trick. Yes, I used my pie-dish, it was the only suitable ceramic dish in my cupboard. My flan tins are all loose bottomed and even I could work out that without a lining of pastry things could get pretty messy. I seem to remember having a ceramic flan dish before I downsized but I think it went to a charity shop, after all what use would a ceramic flan dish be!

Into the oven with my first crustless quiche. A glass of wine later and I peer through the embarrassingly splattered oven door, looking good (the quiche, not the oven door). Another glass, a mental note to 'clean the oven' and I'm back for a second peek. I can't help thinking that timings for cooking should be given by the wine glass, much the same way as Americans use cups to measure weight - mix a cup of this with half a cup of that, season to taste and cook on a medium heat for a glass and a half. Think I might have something there.

Still looking good (again the quiche not the oven door) and it's starting to colour on top. Time for the jiggle test. Still quite a lot of wobble in the centre. Back in and another glass of wine. Another check, this time with a skewer. Getting a bit concerned still very runny inside. As it worked out I'd pulled the cork on my second bottle before my quiche was ready to come out and cool. Technically I'd unscrewed the top from my second bottle, it was midweek after all.

Quiche cooled, quiche plated up, quiche tasted, quiche disgusting! Rubbery eggy custard and chewable metallic tasting fish...

A week or so later, the wine rack restocked, the disappointment of my failed quiche assigned to the you can't win them all folder and I'm determined to master the crustless quiche. This time I'll go for the basic cheese and bacon combo with my tried and tested egg and dairy mix. When I say dairy I actually mean double cream. A 300ml pot whisked with three large quality eggs does the business for me. This time I don't bother with the breadcrumbs, just a good buttering of the pie-dish. Bacon cooked off and sprinkled into the dish, big handful of grated cheddar added to the egg and cream mix, into the dish, quick swirl with a fork, an additional sprinkle of cheese on top and into the oven. 35 to 40 minutes later, I'll not embarrass myself by telling you how many glasses that equates to, but out comes a near as damn it perfect crustless quiche. Success!

I've since tried a red pepper and feta version. The red pepper was snipped from the plant on my windowsill and the feta was lurking in the fridge. The magic ratio of dairy to egg worked yet again. Next time I'm thinking perhaps salmon and watercress, or spinach, or broccoli. Yes, I know salmon is a fish and I've just had a moan about fish quiche but salmon is the king of fish and works in everything.

I don't know if crustless quiche will ever replace the traditional crusted quiche but it is certainly a quick and easy alternative for those days you don't want to go head to head with the dreaded pastry monster. The one down side is without the pastry it isn't very substantial, so the little green salad on the side needs to be accompanied by a big bowl of chips. Chunky chips, fat chips, skinny chips, crinkle cut chips, any chips that float your boat, the options are endless, but please, never, ever, oven chips!

Next project is crustless steak and ale pie. Think I'll call it a stew...