Gadget Geek

WiFi and other electromagnetic radiation

Eggs cooked by phone and a microwaved Moroccan

Over the last few weeks I seem to have turned into a bit of a gadget geek. In addition to my ever slowing laptop I now have at my disposal an e-book reader, a tablet (computer not a pill) and an additional device that gives my satellite TV box the ability not only to receive the outpourings of Eutelsat 28A & Astra 1N/2A/2B but to talk to the internet via my WLAN.

All these gadgets and gizmo’s are very impressive but the truth is they all rely on one thing, and that is those invisible wriggly radio waves that are zapping around many of our homes, shops, cafés and pubs. We are talking about what is commonly referred to as WiFi. Now, to connect your chosen device to your chosen WiFi network you need to select that network from the list of available networks that your device has discovered.

My devices discovered no less than 14 wireless networks within range!

OK I live in a block of twelve flats so I shouldn't have been too surprised but it seemed to me that there is a lot of electromagnetic radiation in my life. I do have some experience of working within the radio spectrum and given the 'radhaz' precautions we had to take when working on masts and aerials and the seemingly never ending conversation on the brain addling effects of excessive mobile phone use I decided to investigate whether this could be the reason for the deteriorating quantity and quality of my little grey cells - as opposed to the drink and drugs (actually it's mainly beer, red wine and Gaviscon but that doesn't sound very rock and roll does it).

This is when I discovered how to cook an egg using two mobile phones...

Before we go any further let me just say I haven't actually tried to cook an egg this way. I only have one phone and asking a guest if I could borrow their phone to cook an egg, may, quiet justifiably make them think I've finally lost it. That said, given the strangulated Gatling gun noises my trusty old bedside analogue clock radio makes when my mobile is within arms length I have no reason not to believe it will work (that may be a double negative or just simply gobbledygook but you know what I'm trying to say).

To cook an egg using two mobile phones place an egg in a non-metallic egg cup on a flat non-slip surface – if you haven't got a suitable non-slip surface stand it on a slice of bread. Lean phone A against one side of the egg and phone B against the opposite side. Now put on some music, preferably a bit of good old fashioned rock and up the volume. Now ring phone B from phone A. Answer phone A from phone B. Don't worry if you have to move the phones to do this, just replace them when you have made the connection. Phone A is now talking to phone B and visa versa. Cooking time very much depends on the power output of your mobile phone. For instance, a pair of mobiles each with 2 Watts of transmitter output power will (apparently) take three minutes to cook a large free range egg. Check your phone manual and remember that cooking time will be proportional to the inverse square of the output power for a given distance from egg to phone.

Obviously this could be quite an expensive way to cook an egg so if you haven't got free calls just make sure you initiate the call from the phone you have borrowed. Needless to say the author accepts no responsibility for any damage, exploding eggs or come to that exploding mobile phones etc. etc. etc.

All this talk of Watts puts me in mind of my Microwave. Well technically it's the landlords microwave as it's built into the kitchen units but never the less it's a fantastic machine. Text display in 12 different languages (I've only ever used one). Six different types of heating, microwave, top/bottom heating, intensive (halogen and quartz grill), hot air, grill (halogen and quarts again) and bottom heating, plus a combination of the afore mentioned if you are so inclined. Timers, memories and automatic programs. The microwave option alone has five power settings (none of which ever match the power recommended on the food label). Brilliant! I use it for defrosting stuff I've forgotten to get out of the freezer and warming milk for my cocoa.

I have never had much success with microwave meals. I have issues even with the ready meals specially prepared for the microwave, you know the ones that you have to stab, microwave, remove and peal back the top (and burn your fingers) stir and stick back, then microwave some more till it starts to bubble and splat.

The one exception to my microwave meal ineptitude is a little number I have had in my repertoire for many many years. So long in fact that it's origin is lost in time.

Well what is it I hear you ask. It's Moroccan Lemon Chicken I answer.

The twist to this dish, apart from been cooked completely in the microwave is that it is flavoured with Schwartz pilau rice seasoning. Not a seasoning you would normally associate with Moroccan cooking I grant you but then I don't suppose microwaving is the cooking method of choice for your average Berber either.

The recipe that I have is for four people but I have regularly halved it with great success and unfortunately far too often I have done it as a billy no mates meal for one. For the meal for two I keep the sauce ingredients as for the four and for the billy meal I halve them. If you don't want to do the maths do the recipe for four and freeze the unused portions. The recipe says it will freeze well but like the mobile phone egg cooking it's not something I have tried.

First step, grab a large microwaveable bowl and throw in 8 skinless boneless chicken thighs, 1 diced medium onion, 3 crushed garlic cloves (or what you are comfortable with), 1 tbsp pilau rice seasoning and a good glug of olive oil, about 2 tbsp. Get your hands in and give it all a good mix, making sure you coat the thighs with oil and the seasoning. Now bang it in the microwave until everything is beginning to sizzle and the chicken is starting to change colour. The recipe says 8 mins at 850W but my machine only does 600 or 900 so I usually go for 7 mins 30 secs at 900, it's not critical.

Next for the sauce. Finely chop half a lemon, zest, pith and flesh but not the pips, and add to the bowl. Throw in 100g of blanched almonds and about 150g of green olives. The recipe recommends olives with stones in on the grounds of better taste but I always go for pitted ones. If you do decide to go with stones-in warn your guests to avoid embarrassing dental issues and supply a little dish for the discarded stones. This avoids the equally embarrassing trick of the mock cough enabling the stone to be spit into the fist and then the covert under table flick. Once everything has been added give it all a good stir, cover with cling film and pierce a couple of times to let the steam escape in the traditional microwave manner. Cook for another 20 mins or so till the liquid is bubbling vigorously and the chicken is cooked.

To finish off the dish leave to stand for a few mins for it to calm down then stir in a large handful of chopped coriander or flat leaf parsley. The recipe recommends serving with plain boiled rice but I prefer to give the stove a complete miss and go for some couscous simply rehydrated in a bowl.

Thinking of cooking with alternative heat sources puts me in mind of Pot Mess. This was, and I presume still is a naval stew of sorts. Often reverted to as the meal of choice for chefs when the bobbing about on the ocean got to the stage where it became a bit exciting in the galley. More enticingly though cooked by the watch on deck during the middle watch. This involved throwing any veg or meat they could get their hands on into a 'fanny' and getting the stokers to give it a blast from the super-heated steam pipe.

Don't worry if I lost you a bit there, I'll go into it in more detail sometime soon. Now however I have to go and set up my new digital thermometer. It comes complete with remote sensor. You guessed it, it's a wireless remote sensor and according to the handbook operates at the dizzying frequency of 868Mhz.

Is it just me or are policemen getting younger and frequencies getting higher?